Does My Marriage Need Help?

Has your marriage turned into two people living separate lives together?

Even in the best of marriages, each spouse will need something to call their own. Whether it is a yearly hunting trip with the guys or a monthly spa day for the girls, a little time away from each other often serves to strengthen a marriage. However, it is not too difficult to go from the occasional “me” day to entire weekends or even months of time spent apart. There may even be times when spouses are alone with each other and still in their own worlds.

If you notice a wall of silence growing between you and your spouse, it is time to look into seeking a professional counselor to discover what the underlying problem is. It is not uncommon for two people who shared many common interests in their twenties to, over time, develop different interests. This does not mean your marriage is doomed, it simply means you and your spouse will have to work at what used to come naturally-enjoying each other’s presence.

Changes in Your Sex Life

Many things can affect the libido of one or both partners. Your wife may feel unattractive after having children and may be pulling away from physical intimacy as a result. As men age the level of testosterone their bodies produce declines and this can cause not only a decrease in libido but the most-dreaded of male concerns-erectile dysfunction.

In addition to libido and physical concerns, a common problem in the current economy is men feeling emasculated by unemployment or underemployment. Many men feel it is their place to provide for their family and if they are unable to do so, regardless of the reason, they may not “feel like a man,” and as silly as this idea may seem to women, for men it is a very serious matter. A man who feels inadequate outside the bedroom may fear he will be inadequate in the bedroom. This apparent lack of interest in sex from a husband can make a wife feel it is her problem.

These are some of the most difficult issues to discuss between two spouses and, many times, the most destructive if allowed to fester. Therefore, problems in the bedroom need to be addressed soon and by a professional therapist.

Do you find yourselves disagreeing with each other more frequently?

Every married couple argues from time to time. In fact, if you and your spouse do not argue on occasion it probably means you are not communicating at all. However, if you find yourself in the situation where all communication is arguing, then it may be time to see a counselor.

It is easy for small disagreements to become cracks in the foundation of a marriage. If left unrepaired these small cracks can develop into to gaping holes and, before you know it, your marriage is collapsing around you.

Spouses need to communicate, but if all you and your spouse are doing is arguing it is time to get help. It is rare, if not impossible, to fix a problem or compromise on an issue if you and your spouse are constantly stewing in the juices of anger and resentment. This is not something which will go away on its own and the sooner it is addressed the easier it is to repair the damage.

We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Therefore when two people who are as close to each other, physically and emotionally, as a married couple it is only natural get-marriage for the smooth road to develop a few potholes over time. In many cases these can be repaired by the couple themselves but some problems such as withdrawal, sexual dysfunction (physical or psychological), or constant arguing need the help of a professional therapist.

If you noticed a crack in the foundation of your home, you would not wait until your house fell down to seek help. Neither should you wait if you notice a problem in your marriage-get the help you need and save your marriage while the cracks are small. You will be glad you did.

Help For Hurting Marriages is a professional Christian marriage counseling site with books like 5:21, a comprehensive guide to improving and/or healing your marriage. The book and free online counseling can be found at [].


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